I’ve always felt like my mom and I have had a complicated sort of relationship. I am the only girl in the family. The middle child. Grew up with brothers, no sisters. So my only constant female companion has always been my mom. That being said I don’t think we are as close as people seem to think we are. Don’t get me wrong. I love her. I love her so much, and I probably wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I didn’t have her but I’ve always felt like I was never good enough for her. Pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough, fashionable enough, etc2. It didn’t help I had a cousin who was all those things and more. When I was younger I really resented her, my cousin; but as I grew older I realized it wasn’t her fault. She worked hard to be who she is, and I am sure she has her own set of issues. But yeah…the feeling of not being enough for my mom has never gone away. I am constantly trying to get her approval. Maybe it’s an Asian thing, or maybe it’s because yeah I am the only girl? I don’t know.
Anyway, since my dad passed away, my mom has been living with us. Actually, she’s been living with us for awhile before that. She’s been helping with the kids. Has it been easy? Definitely not, there have been good days and bad days. Most days it’s actually nice having her around, the kids love her. I like having someone to rant to about work and what not. So it feels a little off that she is not in her room right now, watching one of her Turkish dramas. She’s actually on her way home to Malaysia. Which is good. We as a family needed some time to be just us for awhile, and she needed a break too. It won’t be for that long. She’ll be back in September, but yeah sitting here and knowing that her room is empty right now makes me sad. No matter how hard sometimes it can be living with her, she’s my mom, and the only mom I got, and I love her.